Well fuck.
Not such a swimmingly smooth day.
Nothing major but ill break it down like this.
I woke around 9:30 after a pretty gucci night sleep. Like body sunken in the comforter; cow lick having type sleep. The ex kissed me good bye and said “love you” which was immensely awkward but quickly got over it.
I put on my favorite sweat pants and watched reruns of shit on tv. I became extremely chlostropobic and decided I better bolt outta the apt and go see corey in seattle cause I know hed put up with my deranged shit.
We smoked, drank coffee, and I talked about everything I needed to get off my chest. sometimes my therapy is just letting the crazy out. It works. I talked about my fear of becoming stagnant at work. How after I broke up all I could think about is a beer bottle on my lips. How I’m afraid of getting into another relationship too quickly and how its very easy for me to get co dependent and lusty. One night stands to me is one of those things where if it continues to occur then the shame level decreases everytime. So after a few times the amount of immediate shame I feel in getting a girl to fuck me is small.
We went and got haircuts and went to nordstroms to see a couple friends that work there. I dropped money I probably shouldve saved and bought jeans that just make me want to go to the gym everyday.
Then all of a sudden here comes the fucking ego. I was helped by a girl named hope who I think more than anything was just good at her job that’s all. I think she wants me so I play back. Then here comes reality. No real climax to this story just a personal experience if anything.
Member when I said I put on my favorite pair of sweat pants? Yeah I was still rocking them and I’m pretty sure I smelt like warren sapps balls after a sunday afternoon. The humility was on high and we left to smoke cigarettes. We then went back to coreys and ordered sandwiches. When we went to pick them up I was telling corey a thought that occurred to me.
“You know the ex could really hit me up for dough throughout this lease, and I’m legally obligated to bend over” he laughed then concurred. *ding ding* it was my txt message notifier for my ex. Guess what she figured out?!
So I’m pissed. I’m out 550 a month until further notice. Definitely putting a mild damper on the smoothness of our break up. But I mean fuck something had to right?
So I am sitting there stewing over and I conclude I will pay the money. I know this is the right decision because the only argument I have against it are greed and selfishness.
I processed it went home and took a shower and ran to a meeting at my old treatment center. It was refreshing. Two guys came to me and said they could relate to my story. A lot older than me too. Its nice to know that my pure honesty helps people I was so quick to hide it.
I went home and sat on the couch and scout (me and the exs kitten) nestled up to me and kissed me and slept in my arm. I really do hope that cat has a great fucking life. All the options I have right now just don’t include her. She’s so god damn sweet.
Good night people. If you’re wondering rest assured I’m happy and that I’m enjoying life.
Yours truly
Boogers